started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Come share oat with me in your robe
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
