Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dignity is for republicans.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
