it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
