Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days

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(773): View more from Illinois

i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.

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(440): View more from Ohio

when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine

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(973): View more from New Jersey

THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.

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(917): View more from New York City

Wtf did i hit my head on?

(914): View more from New York

Tequila

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