i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
