Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
