I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you mean i was at the winter classic?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
