you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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