Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
