I got chris browned last night
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
