do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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