maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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