really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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