it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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