did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And then my night got REAL pukey
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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