theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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