If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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