i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
