hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
