The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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