Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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