When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
