Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
