he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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