Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
