you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
