I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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