How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
