Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
