My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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