why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
