this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
