Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
