I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
