I faked an abortion last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize