Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
