gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
