it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
