you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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