He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
