now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
