I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
