Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
