First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
