please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
