One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
