duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
