SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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