I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
