do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
