Your dad touched me again.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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