i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
