I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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