nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
