mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
