Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He? As in you personified your dick?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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