i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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