Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
