just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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