Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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