Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
