Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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