Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
