Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
