We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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