im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
