They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
