allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
