i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
