I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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