Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
