it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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