I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
