New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
