it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
