she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
