I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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