Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
