I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
