She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my liver is dry heaving
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
