Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
