that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
