I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
