Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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