I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
