Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
