Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
