i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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