Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
