I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize