End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The ass gains better be worth it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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