i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
