Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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