I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
